Eloping with family: How to tell your family and how to include them

Not sure whether you should tell your family your elopement plans or wondering how you can include them in your elopement day? Here’s what you need to know.

how to tell your friends and family you are eloping

After you and your partner have decided an elopement is the best choice for you, it’s important to begin considering how you want to tell your loved ones of your decision. There’s no right way to go about this. You might decide to send an announcement to everyone closest to you, just tell a few people, or keep your choice private until you announce it at a later date. No matter how you choose to move forward, make sure your decision is rooted in whatever will allow you to push stress aside and celebrate your day without anyone else’s expectations. Should you decide to share your plans, check out these tips below.

TIP 1 - START DROPPING HINTS EARLY: After loved ones hear about your engagement, it’s almost guaranteed the next question is “when is the date!”. Start dropping hints about eloping now by responding with “oh I’m not certain, we’re thinking about something small & intimate” or be more direct by saying “we haven’t decided on a date yet, but we think an elopement might be right for us”.

TIP 2 - TELL THEM IN PERSON: Tone and expression simply cannot be relayed through writing the way it can through a face to face interaction. If your friends and family can’t meet in person, try a video call instead.

TIP 3 - SHARE THE “WHY” BEHIND YOUR DECISION: It’s not unusual for your loved ones to react less positively if they believe your decision to elope is solely based around the decision to exclude them. For any couples, this couldn’t be further from the truth. Share the REAL reason you have made your decision and learn more about why couples decide its the best choice for them here.

TIP 4 - FIND WAYS TO INVOLVE YOUR LOVED ONES: Helping your loved ones feel involved by including them in the planning process, your day itself, or a post-elopement celebration can ease them into the idea. Keep reading… we’ll share more on this below.

TIP 5 - SHARE YOUR ELOPEMENT PHOTOS WITH THEM: Give your loved ones a peek into what your day was actually like and the happiness + excitement you shared together.

why your loved ones might not welcome your decision — Right away

This isn’t to say your friends and family won’t support you or won’t eventually warm up to the idea your choice to elope. When my husband and I told our families of our elopement plans, they were excited for us and honestly not the least bit surprised (this goes back to that “dropping hints” tip above). That doesn’t mean this is the same story for everyone though.

If your loved ones don’t immediately welcome the idea of eloping, take a step back and realize their opposition is likely rooted in something not even directly related to you. Elopements break away from centuries-old traditions that families have typically followed for generations and may leave parents feeling like their dreams for their child's special day are being disregarded. Yes, even well-intending individuals can inappropriately make someone else’s wedding day about them. It can also be difficult for them to accept the suddenness of eloping, as they may want more time to come to terms with the idea and plan a beautiful wedding; this is also where hinting before you announce can come in handy. Communication is key in this situation—try explaining why eloping is important to you and how it fits into your vision for your special day. Showing them that you are still committed to honoring their wishes and traditions, even if you are going down a different path, can help ease their worries. Additionally, engage them in the planning process by allowing them to be involved in selecting locations or planning a small celebration afterwards. Ultimately, your loved ones should want you to have a day that is right for you.

how to include your family in your elopement day

HOW TO ARRANGE YOUR TIMELINE AROUND FAMILY: If family members are present, consider splitting the day into multiple parts to allow for quality time with loved ones. Alternatively, spread the celebration over multiple days to include family in different activities or meals. If a couple prefers a more traditional elopement ceremony, they can still include family members by having a small, intimate ceremony and then hosting a larger reception or dinner party later. Another way to include family is by having them participate in the ceremony itself, such as reading a poem or giving a blessing. Whatever approach a couple chooses, it's essential to communicate clearly with family members about their level of involvement and to be open to their ideas and input. Ultimately, including family on an elopement day can make for a more meaningful and memorable experience.

HOW TO ACTIVELY INCLUDE LOVED ONES IN YOUR WEDDING DAY: Don’t under estimate having your loved ones get ready with you. It’s typical to have an entire party of bridesmaids or groomsmen at a traditional wedding, but instead you have the choice to have anyone join you. Additionally, having family members participate in the ceremony can add a special touch to the day. One way to include family members is to ask them to perform a reading during the ceremony, whether it's a poem or a meaningful passage from a book. Another option is to have family members give a speech or toast during the reception. If a family member is musically inclined, they could even perform a song or piece of music during the ceremony or reception. Additionally, family members can participate in symbolic rituals such as a unity candle lighting or a sand ceremony. No matter what you choose, be sure to communicate with them beforehand so that they feel comfortable.

how to include loved ones if they won’t be present on your wedding day

Just because family members can't physically be present on your elopement day doesn't mean they can't still be a part of it. With a little creativity and thoughtfulness, family members can still play a meaningful role in your elopement day, even if they aren't physically present. Technology has made it easier than ever to include loved ones in your celebration, no matter where they are in the world. You can livestream your ceremony or reception so family members can watch in real-time and feel like they are there with you. Additionally, you can take photos and videos throughout the day and share them with family members afterwards so they can experience the day through your eyes. Be sure to share your professional gallery too! Another option is to plan a special celebration with family members once you return from your elopement, such as a dinner party or reception. Try these ideas too:

• Throw an engagement party

• Have family and friends join you in shopping for your wedding day attire

• Include family heirlooms into your day

• Collect letters from loved ones to read during your ceremony or any point during your day

• Send them photos and videos amidst your day

• Did you receive cards or gifts from loved ones? Open them on your wedding day!

• Bring something back for them from your trip or gift them prints or an album

HEY THERE! I’M HEATHER MCFORD

I KNOW — BECAUSE I’VE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES BEFORE.

Navigating how to tell your family of your elopement plans can be one of the most difficult parts of planning out your untraditional wedding day. I know because my partner had to go through this very thing when we albeit cancelled our traditional wedding. Yet in the end it was rewarding, intimate and an unforgettable experience that allowed us to focus on what really mattered: committing our future to one another.

If you're considering eloping but are hesitant about how your family will react, know that it's okay to prioritize your own happiness and do what feels right for you. In the end, the memories you'll make on your elopement day will be cherished for a lifetime. I encourage you to take the leap and embrace this unique and special way of getting married.

I help couples just like you turn their elopement dreams into a reality

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